On March 13th, I turned 41 years old. Most days, I still feel like I’m in my 20’s, still discovering all the layers and beautiful complexities that life has to offer. But I am deeply grateful I have been led to the ancient spiritual truths that help me create choices far more rewarding than the ones I was making 20 years ago!
So many lessons upon lessons have been offered up for me to learn and integrate, and I have been leaning in, gently. Sometimes, I’ve been pushed off the high dive, not knowing where or how I was going to land. But one thing experience has taught me is,
“Every time I truly surrender,
I always find myself being carried above the waves,
not being drug through them.”
This past year, I’ve practiced saying, ‘YES’. This YES is a far different agreement with my soul, than the self-willed determined, desperate ambition I had in my younger years. It’s a commitment to RECEIVE, not DO. It’s a pledge to be available, open, and truly ready for what it is I say I want, especially when it’s coming to me in a way I didn’t see coming.
Finally, I’m learning to trust what I’ve been told since I was a kid. “Everything happens for a reason.” In survival mode, I’ve never held still long enough to really ponder the reasons. But today, I am constantly reminded that I am safe to TRUST there is a purpose to every thing, every relationship, every loss, every opportunity, and it ALWAYS realigns me and leads to my desire or something greater. There is nothing I haven’t earned, or proven myself enough for. There is nothing I am not worthy of.
There is no amount of love that is being kept from me,
only withheld by me.
When I don’t look for LOVE everywhere, I don’t see LOVE anywhere. When I actually look, I see it. I feel it. I swim in it. A perspective based in Divine Truth can shift an entire lifetime of collected opinions and fear based beliefs.
I’ve also spent this year doing something I’ve never done before, consciously. I’ve asked spirit to help me PRACTICE. I was born just knowing how to play the piano, writing and structuring complete songs came easily to me, holding my own on a stage in front of 120,000 people as a young teenager was just another day, intuitively seeing the soul’s plan for another was never learned, it just flows through me effortlessly. I’ve rarely followed through with things that I had to be in Kindergarten, and ‘learn’. In fact, now that I think about it, I already knew how to read before I entered Kindergarten! I’ve spent a lifetime just doing what I already knew how to do, and what came easy. And thankfully, it is my gift, my calling, and something I love to contribute to the world.
However, there are areas of life I still want to master, that I have not yet.
And I’m no longer willing to surrender my desire,
because it hasn’t come easy.
So I asked my angels to give me people to practice with, opportunities to see where I am, and where I still need to grow. My prayer was instantly answered in relationship. The very next man I met that peeked my curiosity, even said those exact words to me, “If you would like to practice with me until you connect with what you really desire, I’ll let you.” He had no idea what he signed up for! What a beautiful soul to show up and be exactly what my heart yearned for. That is just one example of how I’ve experience God’s hand in my life.
And I so appreciate the other humans in life
who listen to their own callings and intuition,
especially when it makes very little sense.
Another life-changing idea that my spiritual teacher offered me this year was to “Get Curious”. I’m often tempted to shut down ideas, potential actions, people, or requests right away without much thought. Sometimes, this is my own powerful intuition coming through, but other times, it is just the smallness of my mind, not able to ‘see’ the possibility in it. It can be very difficult to discern. But when I’ve allowed myself to just hold still long enough to be curious, I’ve found myself receiving more than I ever have, and being able to serve in ways I never saw possible.
After 41 years of living in this world, I now know that there is no such thing as right or wrong. I do not have to judge someone else for their choices, in order to feel more accomplished in mine. I continue to create for no other reason than because I can. In myself and others, I cherish the ability to be present, and the ability to forgive, more than any other. I’m now hyper aware of the meaning I give to things, to other people’s words and actions, and how mislead I have been in the past. And in that confusion, I have guarded and abused myself with false beliefs, suppressing and numbing, harmful addictions, and patterns that have created only a fraction of the life I could have been experiencing.
So today, I hold and allow a new desire in my heart, because I will always want more. I choose to live and activate a potential I have not experienced or even imagined yet, and I want to take everyone along with me! I want everyone who desires it, to thrive in this same frequency of love and possibility!
At age 38, I got a huge wake up call, and what followed was a magical journey of grieving, healing and transformation. I spent many many hours with my God and my spiritual teachers, and for the first time, my own soul, feeling so empty, unfulfilled, betrayed, unloved, and most of all, alone.
Only 4 years later, I celebrate the overflow of love running through me, that no one has the power to remove or steal away, because it is MINE. It is authentically ME. I have so much, I can’t give enough away!
I want to say I’ve worked so hard for this, but I truly haven’t.
I’ve SURRENDERED so much to finally receive what was there all along.
As we are never done growing, I know there is only more unfolding for me on the path ahead. And I am excited. I am curious. I am ready.
I say YES YES YES to all that I have been, all that I've become, and all that I am becoming.
And most importantly, in the moments ahead
where I may forget all of this,
I pray to remember.
-Trina Harmon
